Just Once
by Finrod Felagund
Summary: Tolkien tells us that three times elven maidens gave up their immortality to be with those they loved. What if, just once- an elf did that for the mortal woman he loved?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from LoTR, I do not own LoTR. The only things I own in this story are Telvar, Alassante and Náremiri.

Just Once

I, Telvar of Rivendell, now a widower, write this. It is my tale of only a few short years, but I feel they are important enough to commit to paper, not for fear of forgetting them- I do not forget- but for those who follow, for the children of my children's children. I am foolish though; there is no way to ensure that they will ever know. This manuscript may be lost for ever- or it may be preserved with care. I hope it is the latter, for when I am gone, and my children are gone, none will remember her, my fair Alassante. Please, all that read this remember her.

Alassante was beautiful. She was not elven-fair, those who think on Luthien and Arwen would find her dull and lusterless, but I found her a gem, her flame-red hair and emerald green eyes will never fade in my mind. Alassante was mortal. Mortal. One word meaning such a difference. A few short years are all they are alotted, then death, then Eru only knows where. I pray that it is peaceful, that is all. Alassante was the youngest daughter of King Arathorn the III of Arnor and Gondor, the tenth king descended from King Aragorn Elessar. I met her when I came to Minas Tirith to pay my respects to the new king. She was all of fourteen then, I remember she nearly ran into me while chasing a friend. Instead, she tripped and fell. 

I reached down and helped her up, she was so intent on finishing her chase that she barely looked at me at first. "My thanks!" she said hastily and began to continue the chase- then stopped to look at me. "Who are you?" she asked curiously.

"Telvar of Rivendell my lady," I said with a half bow. 

"Are you- are you of the Firstborn?" she asked, brushing some stray red hair back.

"I am," I replied.

She half turned to go after her friend, but curiosity won out. "Will you tell me about Rivendell?" I smiled. "I would be honored to..." I waited for her name.

"Alassante," she smiled. 

"Alassante," I repeated, smiling back. "I would be honored. Perhaps at dinner this evening?"

"Perhaps," she smiled. "If you will excuse me," she said and ran off again.

Hours later, after presenting my credentials several times, taking a bath, and arranging to give the King the letter of congratulations from those few that remained in Rivendell the next day, I made my way to the Great Hall and in the milling confusion of people took what I thought to be my place at the middle table where high ranking messengers and lesser nobles sat. A young page came up to me. "Your pardon sir, but I believe that you have the wrong seat." 

I stood and let the page show me to my place- at the high table? 

"I fear I still have the wrong seat," I said with a slight smile.

"You are Telvar of Rivendell, sir?" 

"Yes."

"Then this is your seat sir," he said and went off to serve some wine.

"Hello!" someone said and took the seat next to me. 

"Alassante?" She smiled at me. 

"Now we can talk of Rivendell, or rather in a minute."

It was the custom of the Gondorians to stand and face west for a moment before sitting to eat and we did. I let my mind wander for a moment. West...far over the sea was Valinor, the Undying Lands. My heart thrilled slightly at the thought that I might one day go there, the sea calling was strong for a moment, so strong that I had to close my eyes and think hard of other things, green forests, the life I knew in Arda. I felt before I heard that the moment was over, opened my eyes and sat down with the others.

"Now, tell me of Rivendell!" Alassante commanded, and I obliged. For about an hour that seemed like minutes, I told her of Rivendell, of the trees and the land and of the people who had dwelt there. She seemed amazed at all of this, and at the detail I gave her. After a while I noticed that she had not eaten and stopped. 

"Go on, please. It's like being there!" 

"Lady," I said with a laugh, " if I tell you everything now, you will not remember any of it tomorrow!"

She sighed. "I suppose you are right. But will you be here tomorrow to tell me more?"

"Of course, I have a message for the king to deliver tomorrow morning, but the rest of the day I am at your command!"

"Good!" she smiled. "Then will you meet me in the South Garden at noon?"

"I will," I promised.

"Then sir, I bid you goodnight!" she said and rose.

I stood as well. "Goodnight my lady." I watched her leave, then sat and finished my wine, thinking on what exactly I would say the next morning to the king. After awhile I also left for my room.

Next morning dawned what humans would consider cold, but to me was no more than chilly. I took my light cloak though and walked off to my audience. The king was pressed for time, but he thanked me and asked after the health of some that he knew in Rivendell and the surrounding area. I replied to the best of my knowledge, was told that I was welcome in Minas Tirth and dismissed.

I still had time before noon, so I found the library and began to read one of the 'older manuscripts'. It was old for the Secondborn of Eru, but I saw that I was slightly older and smiled. I turned the pages gently, feeling traces of those who had read it before me. Some joyful, some sorrowful- one page in particular had such a deep impression of sorrow that I turned back to it after skipping it. The impression was painfully sorrowful, but dulled by age. I wondered what had happened to cause such grief in the reader. I began to read the page.

__

But lost she was, 

lost to me forever.

Death has claimed her for his own.

And I shall see her never.

So death I will seek

and death defy

and win her back to me

Reader, can you know why?

This poor poem is all that is left

of she, myself and my quest

For long has the earth lain over our bones

Both she and I now rest.

I wondered why the poem had been put in this book, it was not a very good poem, not nearly as good as some of the others in the book. It was a strange poem and I felt slightly unnerved by it, for a reason I could not name. I looked at the light coming through the skylights. It was about noon. I put the book back and headed for the South Gardens.

The South Gardens were in full bloom, not too early, not too late, beautiful. I admired the care with which they had been treated and took a seat where I could study them all until Alassante arrived. 

I waited several hours, but I did not see her. Finally I despaired of her ever coming and left the garden. I asked a guardsman if he knew where the Lady Alassante had her residence and he replied rather strangely that she lived at the palace. I returned to my rooms and began to pack my few things. I would leave Minas Tirith after dinner; perhaps I would see her then. 

Dinner came, as did a repetition of the intense sea calling and Alassante came, with an explanation, she had forgotten a previous appointment. We talked further of Rivendell, and I told her I would leave. She protested against me leaving in the dark, but I told her that it was necessary- and it was. I was needed in Rivendell. Though no summons could have possibly arrived in Minas Tirith soon enough to let me know, I knew I had to return. I wondered- and worried to think what had happened in my absence. We parted after dinner that night, though not before Alassante had extracted my promise to return.

"Soon?" she wanted to know.

"When I may my lady," I told her and left.

My journey home I remember little of, only I do remember thinking often of Alassante. In all my years, I had not met a human like her before, but then I had not met many. She had so many questions about Rivendell...I sincerily hoped that one day she would see it, and perhaps I could show it to her. 

I finally arrived home, to find that my family had left to cross the Sundering Seas, my mother Melde and my brother Arcalimo. My father and most of his family had left decades earlier, but now out of my family I alone remained. They were not the only ones to leave Rivendell. When I had set out, the household that remained had eighty-five. Upon my return only fifty remained, and most planned to leave soon. I sought out one of my few remaining friends, Náremiri, to help him pack if he truly meant to leave, and also to try to convince him to stay, but he would hear nothing of it.

"Telvar, why must you so stubbornly deny what you know to be true? You feel the sea-calling too, do you not?" Náremiri asked, looking around his room trying to decide what to take and what to leave.

"I do," I said, looking out the window.

"Then why can you not accept it and leave?"

"I do not know." I did not. For a reason I could not name, I was determined to stay until I could no longer stand it. 

"It is said that once one of the firstborn in Arda catches their first glimpse of the sea, it is always in their mind, even as they sleep. It is true, is it not?" Náremiri asked.

"It is, but I will stay."

"Telvar," Náremiri began. "I will ask you only once more, why do you tarry here?"

"Náremiri," I began, unsure of what to say. "My heart is spoken for, and it is neither the sea nor Valinor that has it."

Náremiri sat down abruptly on the edge of his bed. "Telvar, this is joy unhoped for!" he smiled. "Who is she?"

"I...I will not say..." I said, feeling too warm suddenly. I had not meant to say that, had not known that I would.

Náremiri looked at me closely, but I could not meet his searching grey eyes. "Telvar," he said gently. "If all was well with you and she, you would tell me. I will not press you for an answer, but please know that while I remain here I am always ready to listen and help in any way I can."

"I thank you, friend." In my heart I was deeply troubled by what I had said though. I would never lie to Náremiri, so had I…had I told him the truth? Had a mere fourteen-year-old mortal spoken for my heart? _We talked twice; she is a child, a mortal! This is ridiculous!_ Firmly I put all thoughts of Alassante out of my mind, determined to keep them out.

Then, ten short years later, I was sent to Minas Tirith again…


	2. Life and Death

Just Once

As I have said, ten years passed before I again entered Minas Tirith, this time with my friend Náremiri. Although I appeared unchanged in those ten years, inside I felt different. When I dreamed, I no longer felt I had control over what I saw, that another was allowing me to see things. In those dreams, and while I was awake, I felt torn between two calls, that of the sea, and another more elusive call that I still did not wish to name. Náremiri had noticed of course, and that was why he suggested this trip, he thought to help me away from the calls, but it only made them worse. I looked over at my friend as we entered the White City. Though Náremiri felt the sea-calling, he was determined to stay with me in Arda until he learned of my 'mysterious love'. I sighed. This was not easy. 

Together we made our way through crowded streets to the palace, we had been invited to the King's eldest daughter's wedding and decided to come. I wondered if I would see the Lady Alassante- then quickly turned my mind to other thoughts. 

The wedding was a joyous occasion, the celebration of which lasted for a week, during which I did indeed see Alassante, and I knew then that the other calling I had felt was as I feared- and as part of me hoped. I was in love. This did not go unnoticed by Náremiri who watched her at the dances the first night.

"I see now why you would not tell me," he said quietly, a smile playing about his face. 

"And what do you think?" I asked, resigned to hear the worst. 

"I think she is beautiful, but Telvar, be certain you love her. It is either Alassante or the lands across the seas."

I stood away from the table suddenly. "I…" I regained control of my voice. "I will be in the gardens, please excuse me."

So in the gardens I sat and thought. Of course I could always cross the seas now, but I felt that if I did so I would wish that I had not for the rest of my life. So the next day I asked the Lady Alassante to meet me in the South Gardens. 

I stood as I heard her approach. "You wished to see me?"

I steadied my nerves and spoke. "Lady Alassante, I would ask your father for your hand in marriage, if you would have me."

She sat down on a nearby bench. "Yes," she said simply. For a moment I didn't hear her, then I did. _Yes…_"My lady, I fear I do not know your father."

"But you do," she said with a smile. "He is Arathorn."

"The king?" I hoped my surprise had not shown.

"Who else?" her smile deepened. My surprise had shown.

And so I asked, and the king gave us his blessing. 

"It is unusual of course, but I know that you love Alassante, and she you," the king said to me. "Does this mean you renounce your immortality?"

"Sir, it does."

The king nodded. "I have often wondered why that must be, can you tell me?"

"Certainly," I replied. "A man and a woman, be they human or elven swear to bind themselves to each other through life and death. It would not be so if an elf did not give up immortality."

"I see…Are you sure of this, Telvar?" he asked, giving me a last chance to back out of the marriage.

"I am sir." I said it without thinking. I do not lie; it must have been true…

We were married in Imladris, Náremiri witnessed it for us.

"Do you Telvar of Imladris, son of Ciryatúro, swear that from this day forth you shall cherish and honor Alassante of Gondor, daughter of Arathorn, and no other in like manner, should sea level the land and stars disappear from the sky, in this world and in the world that may yet be, through life and death?"

"I do," I meant it. It was the happiest moment of my life. At that moment, the sea calling completely vanished from my thoughts as I looked into her blue eyes, sparkling with joy.

"Do you Alassante of Gondor, daughter of Arathorn, swear that from this day forth you shall cherish and honor Telvar of Imladris, son of Ciryatúro, and no other in like manner, should sea level the land and stars disappear from the sky, in this world and in the world that may yet be, through life and death?"

"I do."

"Then by Eru's grace and the protection of the Valar, I declare you wed. May the blessings you are in need of always be found."

Ah joyous day….I shall never forget it.

A week after the wedding, Náremiri left Arda, but not before we bid each other farewell.

"I shall look for you, when the world is remade," he told me. "I shall look for you both, and if I find you not, I will…"

"Don't even say it!" Alassante interrupted bravely. She knew what great friends we were, and she herself had come to know all those that remained in Imladris. 

"Very well, I will not say it. Fare ye both well, many joyous years and children!"

And so he left, and I have had no word of him since. Many years did Alassante and I live in fading Rivendell. Over the years, all had departed save a few wood-elves in Mirkwood. Finally, only our family remained in the Last Homely House, most of which had been shut off and protected. Alassante grew older in short years, her hair streaked with silver, but her eyes did not dull. Our children resembled her more closely; they had the same flaming hair, but my grey eyes. They would be long-lived but not immortal. They knew that. I began to feel the weight of years more heavily, but I still remained almost unchanged with only a few grey streaks of hair. But I was mortal now, I knew then as I know now, that I will die…soon. 

But Alassante went before me. She lived to see her fourth grandchild turn fifteen, but that same year; her body was too wearied to house her spirit. I sat with her day and night and watched her fade. Sometimes she would wake and ask after the children.

"Telvar, where are Súlio, Ataralas, and Faile?" she asked one night when she woke. 

"They are asleep," I told her, for the hour was late.

"And why are you not asleep?" she asked mock-stern.

"Because I do not need sleep," I answered, then remembered how tired I felt. 

"No, you do need sleep dear Telvar…you may think you…haven't changed much…but I feel it…you are tired…" Alassante's eyes closed and for a few moments she only breathed. "Send Súlio in, if you fear to leave me alone…"

I could feel her time drawing closer, inevitable and I hated it. Why? Why was I powerless to halt this and why did Eru allow it to happen? I knew I would be a widower when I married her, yet I did not think it would be so soon! "I will do better than that, love." She opened her eyes. I left the room for a moment and went to wake up everyone. 

In a few minutes I was back with Súlio, his wife Adell, their two children Failon and Anner, Ataralas and Faile, their husbands Michael and Aaron and their children Aire and Calimo. In short, everyone. 

Goodbyes were hard and long, but they were finally finished, and everyone filed out of the room to give me a few moments peace with Alassante. 

"I love you," I told her.

She squeezed my hand. "I love you too…but now…you are alone…"

"Never alone. You will always be in my heart!" I told her.

She sighed. "Still…I'm…sorry…"

"Do not be…" I told her, but she was gone.

We buried Alassante in a grove of birch trees. It was always pleasant and quiet there, I thought she would like it. There was a view of the valley and I knew she would love that. I missed her so much…the years never weighed more heavily than the year she died. 

The years passed and one day Rivendell found itself under a last attack. Humans, ignorant of where they went thought that it was abandoned and would have looted and destroyed.

I whispered the password and the wooden doors to the unused armory opened without even creaking. Súlio held up the torch to illuminate the room. Swords hung in polished scabbards, unstrung bows lay on brackets on the walls and burnished shields with ancient designs were stacked along the wall. 

" Súlio, take your pick of weapons, then call Michael, Aaron, Failon, Anner, Aire and Calimo. They are to arm themselves and meet me in the maps room."

"Yes father."

A few minutes later, my impromptu army was assembled. "Listen, this is what we shall do. Failon and Aire, I see you have taken bows, that is well, station yourselves in range near the gates. Fire only when I say so, regardless of what happens. Go now." They left and I fervently hoped there would be no fighting. Although they were trained I felt they were still too young. I turned to my remaining warriors. "The rest of you with the exception of Anner and Calimo will stand with me at the gates. Anner, you and Calimo will go with Faile, Ataralas and Adell. Tell them to arm themselves and if you have no word from us by sunset take them to the Grey Havens."

They left and we headed for the gates. There were about twenty human men attempting to break down the gates and I did not like the orcish look of them. They stopped in surprise when they saw us. 

"Go from here and never return if you value your life!" I said sternly. 

"Who are you?" One of them asked.

"I chose to not give my name, but I tell you this is my home. If you persist in your actions, you will surely die."

One of them laughed and started towards me, I drew my sword and raised it. "Do not persist," I said quietly, but he drew his sword and touched the blade to mine. All of my sons looked eager to fight him, but I would not allow it. No, this invader was mine. We fought. I had many centuries of experience at my back and I won. The outcome was never in any real doubt. I spared his life, but as I turned he would have killed me. An arrow from Failon ended his life and the battle began in earnest. 

When it was finished, five invaders remained, badly wounded. We would do what we could for them, even though they had sought to kill us. Our side was not without its injured. Michael and Aire had been injured, Michael had taken a sword thrust in the side and Aire had fallen from her tree and broken her arm. Had it not been for Failon, she would have died, as she hit the ground one of the men sprang at her. I fired at him with my bow- and missed. Failon did not. I felt my age again as I looked at my hands. What if Failon had missed too? I clenched my hands into fists in my desperation. What if he had? I was growing old…my hands were unsure, my hair streaked more noticeably and the weight of my years began to make me feel stiff as if I had slept in a tight space.

I do not understand. Eru created the world, and it will die, then be remade. Eru created the Firstborn, they are conditionally immortal and when the world is remade, they will be renewed. What of his more vulnerable children, of whom I have become one? What happens after I die? Will I go to a waiting place like the Halls of Mandos, or a black nothingness? Will I see Alassante again? Ever? I fear I can write no longer, my hands grow stiff and tired again as I sit at my desk. The winter is here, and I will not see it out. I fear the black nothingness, but if I may sleep peacefully with my beloved Alassante, then I fear nothing………The wind blows chill…farewell……

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A note which I, Súlio, Telvar's son write. This is only part of the manuscript my father had written, he would say the most important part, the one which tells the story of my father and mother. It remains untouched and unedited, displayed for all to see, as he wished. However this is not all of the manuscript, nor is this the only work of my father's. The rest I have been unable to find, and I believe that he carried the secret of their location to the grave. However, if I find any more, I will state what I have found and if I will publish it publicly. I thank you for reading this and hope that it has given you cause to think. If you will remember it, you do my father a kindness.

PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!


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